First the sad news. It breaks my heart to say that we lost Smidgen on August 31, 2011. It was a horrible day. Back in May we were told by our vet that Smidgen was in the beginning stages of kidney failure. He seemed somewhat unfeeling when he delivered the news. I tried to explain to him that we weren't a family of three people and nine cats. We were a family of twelve. We changed Smidgie's diet and hoped for some improvement. But he steadily declined. By August he'd lost an additional pound. [One he couldn't afford to lose by then] At the end of August, he started experiencing difficulty breathing. He was breathing at about twice the normal rate. I realized that things were bad, but I never dreamed that the trip we made to the vet that day would be Smidgie's last one.
Being an AEMT on an ambulance I knew he was in congestive heart failure. But giving him Lasix which would removed the fluid from his lungs would tax his kidneys. In addition, he was already dehydrated. Our vet didn't seem to be as compassionate as I felt they should be. They were quick to suggest euthanization. I felt like we should have other options, but they didn't seem willing to present any. They said there weren't any available. So we agreed that euthanization would be the answer. However, Smidgie bit me when we were taking his temp. They were more concerned about that than the fact that we were about to lose an 18 year old family member. They refused to let things go and INSISTED that he MUST be reported. Which meant a quarantine period [which was longer than they expected him to survive] or if he died/was put to sleep, then his head would be cut off and sent to Indianapolis.
I was nearly to the point of hysteria. They just couldn't do something that horrible to our baby! Finally the vet said the only other option was a waiver from the county health officer. Fortunately I knew her personally and called her. She agreed to a waiver after hearing the facts.
Jordan didn't want to be there. So, he went home and Allen came down to be with us. We've never been in that situation before. It was the worst thing we've ever had to do in our lives. I think Smidgen knew what was about to happen. That breaks my heart. I hope he wasn't afraid. He climbed up on his carrier and looked out the window one last time. He looked for a way out the window, but there wasn't one. Then he just seemed resigned to his fate. When he was given the injection he just layed his little head down and went to sleep. I thought I would be sick. The instant it happened, I knew I'd made a horrible mistake.
The guilt has been so heavy. I wish I'd taken him to get a second opinion. Maybe there truly was nothing else we could have done, but I'll never know. There really wasn't much compassion from anyone at the vet's office. There was never any follow up either.
I realized, too late for Smidgie unfortunately, that their values of a cat's life and mine are NOT the same. We no longer go to that vet. Our sweet little boy is buried in the memory garden behind the house. We still miss him every day. Any time I see a picture of him, my stomach just rolls. But the good memories are coming too.
Now we remember the card games, the funny comments "Did I ever tell you all that I used to work at the Federal Reserve?", and the grumbling he used to do under his breath. He was a funny little fellow. Buying Christmas presents this year without him was sad. We found his stocking when we were unpacking the christmas things.
The day after Smidgie passed, there was a groupon offer for a photo book. I made one for Smidgen. It was fun to look at all the old pictures and remember the good. He is a beautiful cat. We miss him so very much. Life is not the same at our house without his personality to enrich our family.
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